With a little more than a week before Wrestlemania, I'm putting on my fantasy booker hat to try to present what I think would be a better way of packaging some of the main matches at this year's edition. Indulge me, please, friends.
Today, we're focusing on the Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon in a Hell in a Cell match that, ever since it was booked, has reeked of implausibility. Why? For starters, Shane is returning after a scant more than six years away, and it's been nearly seven since his last match. You thought it was bad during his last comeback at that time (2009)? From what I've read, it's worse this time around. Being a father and a businessman outside of WWE is a full-time gig that doesn't leave as much wiggle room for the gym, it would seem.
On the March 21 Raw, Vince McMahon, predictably, tried in an awkward manner to even things out. He'd already decreed that if Shane were to somehow hand the Dead Man his 2nd loss at the Show of Shows in 3 years, he'd control Raw, and, by extension, per his wackjob father, the company. Rumors have Stephanie & Triple H on the outside looking in. As I've previously written, that's not the way it should be. Vince refuses to retire, and as a result, will not allow a story like this to reach a natural conclusion, just the conclusion he deems to be natural. I'd say he failed creative writing at East Carolina, don't you think?
However, now he says that Undertaker would no longer be welcome at Wrestlemania were he to lose. To me, that is Overbooking 101. Again. Vince would rather we ignored past angles involving him, the family, and the Dead Man. Unfortunately, ignoring continuity stretching back at least 17 years leaves a plot hole so big that El Torito could run through it. Literally. Vince wants to get rid of the Prodigal Son instead of embrace him, but that's asking us--again--to ignore common sense.
This is how I'd handle it, starting with this week's shows.
Go back to Raw. Let's add a scene where Stephanie gets a video from an anonymous source. Of course, it's on DVD. It's a compilation of everything involving Undertaker and the McMahon family, including Stephanie herself, for good or bad, dating back to 1999, and the infamous Dark Wedding angle that was thwarted by Stone Cold Steve Austin. From the Dark Wedding to her reign as Smackdown GM (2002-3), where Taker was one of her protectors when her nutty old dad decided to sabotage her administration, to the present. An electronically disguised voice tells Stephanie that, "You've been lied to time and time again.", referring to all the times she's followed her father's evil machinations. In reference to her damsel in distress period in 2003, the voice says that "you gained your independence, but he took it away", meaning Vince forcing Steph off Smackdown. A fresh image appears, depicting Stephanie & Hunter as puppets (CGI imaging) controlled by---wait for it---Vince, of course, looking as maniacal as ever.
"To save the company for the sake of your children and nephews, you must embrace what is truly yours.", the voice concludes. The DVD ends, and as we go to commercial, Stephanie is wondering just what this all means.
On Smackdown, a video plays of Shane at home in Greenwich, where he receives a copy of a similar DVD, this one focused on him instead of his sister. The messages are also different. The voice tells Shane that, rightfully, he & Stephanie should be on the same side once more, a family united against their father, who is beyond help because of his insanity (something Vince will never cop to on the air because, in this writer's opinion, Vince perceives this as a sign of weakness, and he feels he cannot be presented as weak to his audience, though we're well past that point). Shane is shown the segment with the puppets, and is told, "your sister and brother-in-law are victims more than perpetrators, following orders to appease the whims of an insane man".
On the next Raw, Triple H plays a surprising role, as he greets Shane backstage. In the course of the conversation, he learns that Shane received the DVD.
"Stop and think about this for a second, Hunter. We had a lot of discussions about this seven years ago, after Dad did that interview for ESPN (w/Jeremy Schaap). That video brought back a lot of bad memories for me. Kane electrocuting the family jewels, tombstoning Mom, Austin stunning the entire family, the issue with Legacy. None of that would've happened if Dad listened to common sense and hung it up then, and let us--you, me, Steph--take control. It should be the three of us in charge now, doing things a different way.", Shane says. He brings up NXT, which gets a big pop.
"I left because I decided I wanted to seek my fortune outside this business. My golf game improved, I'll admit, but aside from that, I missed this. When I got back, I ripped into you and Steph, but after seeing the video, I realize now I was wrong. You two aren't the ones dragging the company down. Not when it's meant to be your time. Your way. The way it is down at NXT. They love you and Steph in Orlando."
"I'll admit, when Steph showed me that video, it freaked me out, too.", Hunter replies. "Then, I got to the realization that whomever made those DVD's knew what they were doing. They're trying to tell us something."
"Exactly." The two men leave as we go to break.
Jump to Wrestlemania. Hell in a Cell is the main event, instead of the title match, but the title match is just as important. Before the match, Stephanie tells Hunter that she's "sitting this one out", afraid something might happen. And she's right. Meanwhile, Vince meets in secret with Roman Reigns, the challenger. Uh-ohhhhhhh!
Later, Vince, concerned that Stephanie isn't at her husband's side, offers to be Triple H's cornerman for the night. Unaware of what the chairman has planned, Hunter agrees.
Just when it looks like things are going the Game's way, Reigns inexplicably slaps on the Sharpshooter, and Vince instructs referee Scott Armstrong to call for the bell. It's Montreal 1997 all over again! Reigns gets booed out of Arlington. Ah, but wait! It's not over yet. Suddenly, the ramp is filling up. Intercontinental champion Kevin Owens leads a parade of former NXT talents, including Finn Balor, Becky Lynch, Kallisto, Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Summer Rae, Big E, Xavier Woods, Rusev, announcer Corey Graves, and NXT GM William Regal, to the ring. Then, the seas part, if you will, and some music plays that hasn't in too long a time, as Linda McMahon returns, accompanied by head ref Mike Chioda and executive producer Kevin Dunn, who is shaking his head, apologizing to Vince. The refs and Linda confer. Reigns is confused. It's then announced that the match will restart, as Triple H never submitted. Vince is ejected by Linda. In a surprise, the Game retains with the pedigree in a total time of 28:01, and leaves to a babyface reaction. It's a double turn, as Reigns, like Seth Rollins before him, has sold out to advance his career. However, he's just as much a victim.
Later, in Hell in a Cell, Vince talks Stephanie into accompanying him & Undertaker to ringside. Hesitantly, Stephanie agrees, over HHH's protestations after what had happened earlier. Vince is expecting "daddy's little girl". What he gets is something--and someone---else entirely. Steph whispers something in her husband's ear to assure him everything's okay.
Twenty minutes into the match, Shane is ripe for the picking. Steph palms the key out of Charles Robinson's hand, and enters the cell. She gets down on her hands and knees and begs Undertaker for mercy. Shane was in line for the chokeslam, but Taker releases his grip and glowers at Stephanie, who is "shaking with fear", as Michael Cole describes the action, but is "for the first time since this started" is showing concern for her brother. Angry, Vince enters the ring, and shoves Stephanie away. She starts sobbing. Vince orders Taker to "finish him". Undertaker, however, turns on Vince, and hits the chokeslam and tombstone. He points to the door, and tells Shane & Stephanie, "Go!". They leave, and the match ends in a no contest.
On the April 4 Raw, Linda announces that Vince is declared unfit to run the company due to his deteriorating mental condition, which had been addressed 13 years earlier, when Mick Foley was brought in as acting co-GM of Raw, then ignored. The brands will be split once more, and there will be peace & harmony between Raw & Smackdown, as Shane & Stephanie will be the GM's, the way it was meant to be in 2002, and the draft will take place three weeks later on April 25, the first draft in a few years.
In another shocker, Shane reveals that he won't be in the GM's office every week, and will alternate with someone that he found out was behind the DVD's he & Stephanie got two weeks earlier. None other than newly minted Hall of Famer------STING! The Icon returns, and cuts a promo referencing last year's match with Triple H, who is present, dressed in a suit.
"Last year, Vince made it about WWE vs. WCW.", Sting begins. "That wasn't the way I envisioned it, and I know for a fact, Hunter, that you didn't, either. I remember a young man with tremendous potential who left WCW unhappy 21 years ago, a man that, until last year, I never wrestled, and that man was you, Hunter. Any time you're ready, let's do this one more time, and this time, let's do it right."
Triple H agrees, and the two shake hands to a giant pop. Vince is backstage, shaking in anger, wrapped in a straitjacket. He turns to find Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Terry Funk, and others behind him.
"After all these years, you senile old jackass, reality finally came up and smacked you upside the head!", Funk declares. "It's about the kids now. Even we see that."
Vince is led away, fuming.
Reigns joins the party, and apologizes for the night before, saying that Vince gave him a bunch of lies, the same lies he had fed to Seth nearly 2 years earlier, and to others before them. He'll start at the bottom, and work his way back to contention the right way. Fans cheer as he & HHH shake hands. Triple H will double as his wife's business partner on Smackdown, but they'll name someone who'll take charge of the brand when neither one of them is there.
That, though, is for another time. Next time, we'll look at the women's matches.
