 We open with a recap of last week's Triple H-Ric Flair match. In the office, Vince McMahon brings out the roulette wheel for an incredulous William Regal, who feels he redeemed himself in interfering in said main event. Well, it's going to be Regal-HHH in a 1st blood match. McMahon's spins of the wheel are the weakest in human history, but it's the only way the insane chairman ensures that he gets the matches he wants. Regal leaves the office, but is ambushed by an angry Triple H. Only the refs & agents can allow Regal to escape, but vengeance is surely nigh.......
Match 1: Shawn Michaels & Mr. Kennedy vs. Charlie Haas & Trevor Murdoch Yes, you read that right, folks. The two men who put on the best match on last week's card have been put together by Mr. McMahon as a tag team in a "Strange Bedfellows" (read: Parajes Incredebles) match. By the same token, Murdoch is looking for a fill-in partner with Lance Cade on the disabled list. Haas has adopted a Luchadore gimmick wearing a mask for his matches. Remember Al Snow's Avatar gimmick from a few years ago? Looks like Creative went to the recycling bin again. Haas fares no better with the hood than Snow did, and has his mask tossed to the 5th row by HBK. Michaels unceremoniously dumped Kennedy at the start, a move that would come back to haunt him later. Murdoch was hardly heard from, either, and ate a superkick just for catching flies as Vince McMahon used to say back in the day. Kennedy tags himself in, and after Michaels hit the superkick on Haas, Kennedy gave HBK a receipt with the Mind Check (reverse STO), then pinned Haas. Winners: Shawn Michaels & Mr. Kennedy.Post-match, Kennedy's talking trash at his partner du jour.
Match 2: Carlito (w/Santino Marella) vs. Hardcore Holly (w/Cody Rhodes) The combatants in this one are wearing each other's outfits, complete with wigs. Well, at least Holly's wearing a wig. Carlito? Looks more like he went to the bleach bottle. It's billed as a "Trading Places" match, and, yes, JR referenced the 1982 Dan Aykroyd/Eddie Murphy movie. Holly loses the wig early on. Carlito does his best impression of the Alabama Slamma, playing to the crowd between chops in the corner. However, his partner cost him the match. Santino climbed up the turnbuckles, drawing the ref's attention. Rhodes passed the apple to Holly, and Carlito got a dose of his own medicine, getting the apple spit in his face before the spinning Alabama Slam puts this one away. Winner: Hardcore Holly. And where is Maria, Santino's girlfriend? She's with Vince. The women will be in a lingerie pillow fight, which Vince made after moving the wheel from a submission match after Maria spun. Well, I told you Vince wanted to make sure he got the matches he wanted.
Up next is a video recap of the Jeff Hardy-Randy Orton storyline. Todd Grisham interviews Jeff backstage, and big brother Matt was taken to the hospital after being kicked in the head by Orton last week. Jeff is vowing not only to win the title at Royal Rumble, but to "take Orton out", gaining revenge for his brother. Nice, but Jeff's got a steel cage match later with an old nemesis, Umaga. Hornswoggle is playing with the wheel until Vince returns. They have another insincere father-to-son talk that is plagued with tech issues.
Match 3: Maria vs. Melina vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro (lingerie pillow fight) Yes, Ashley's back, and hotter than ever. Smackdown loses another one to Raw. Seems Melina's the only one not bothering to wear hose. Total comedy match. Maria hit the bronco buster on Jillian, which didn't seem to have much effect. At the end, Ashley made her return a triumphant one. With help from Mickie & Maria, she hit the elbow off the top on Jillian to get some revenge for Jillian injuring her several months back. Winner: Ashley Massaro.
Prior to the match, they got the audio straightened out in the office. Vince referenced winning the 1999 Royal Rumble, and is giving 'Swoggle a chance to enter the '08 Rumble, provided he & his tag partner win tonight in a "Mr. McMahon's Choice" match.
Match 4: Triple H vs. William Regal (1st blood) On paper, it would be an even match---if it were allowed to be extended to about 10 minutes. Regal exposed a turnbuckle early on, but couldn't draw blood. Likewise, HHH jammed Regal's head into that same turnbuckle 3 times. No blood. Regal pulled out his trusty brass knux, but was thwarted with a turnaround spinebuster. Helmsley then repeatedly battered Regal in the head until he finally drew blood, seeping from the scalp, it would appear. Winner: Triple H. HHH added a pedigree for good measure after the match to punctuate the victory.
Earlier, Hornswoggle tried to recruit Super Crazy to be his partner, and was turned down. The same goes for Santino Marella, who just disses the former cruiserweight champion. Video package recapping the Y2J-JBL feud so far.
Match 5: Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield & Gene Snitsky On one hand, it's a preview of the JBL-Y2J match at Royal Rumble, but of course the 10 gallon blowhard has to have the advantage on his side. Unfortunately, that advantage is quickly wasted. Snits starts with Jericho, but really goes nowhere as he crotches himself on the top rope. Springboard enziguri knocks Snitsky out of the ring, and he isn't heard from again. JBL runs in and knocks Jericho to the floor. He picks up the fight there, but gets out of control and hits Jericho with the ring bell, leaving ref Marty Elias no choice but to call the match. Winner: Chris Jericho via DQ. Post-match, Layfield continued the assault, and choked out Jericho with a microphone cable, dragging him all the way up the ramp. He threatened to hang Jericho on a light stand until the other refs finally came out, along with agent Tony Garea, to help Elias restrain JBL. It's going to be a long winter for Jericho.
Match 6: Hornswoggle & Mick Foley vs. the Highlanders Originally, rent-a-jobber BK Jordan came out with 'Swoggle, but then Foley's music hit, and a switch was made. Foley played face-in-peril after getting hit from behind by Robbie McAllister, but the Highlanders' advantage didn't last very long. Foley made his own save, and unleashed Mr. Socko on Rory trying to attack from behind. He then hit a double-arm DDT on Robbie, then tagged in Hornswoggle, who hit the tadpole splash to end it. Winners: Hornswoggle & Mick Foley.
Match 7: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga (non-title)(steel cage match) Well, at least they saved the best for last. Unfortunately, there had to be a bit of a buzzkiller to this one, and it wears the form of Randy Orton, who came down to the ring at the start of the bout, obviously to play mind games with Jeff. Typical match that we've seen before between Jeff & Umaga in the past, amped up to the nth power with the cage in play. Late in the match, Orton illegally got involved by slamming the door in Hardy's face. On any other night, this would've gift-wrapped the match for Umaga, but the Samoan was already spent and couldn't completely follow up. The Samoan Spike was blocked, enabling Hardy to hit the Twist of Fate. Hardy began climbing the cage, and Orton raced to the other side to meet him. However, Jeff deked him out and hit a gigantic Whisper in the Wind on Umaga. For once, the Whisper delivered the three count for the Rainbow-Haired Warrior. Winner: Jeff Hardy.
|
