"Earlier today", Vince McMahon cuts a promo, referencing his appearance on Larry King Live, postponed to later this week, putting over his three grandkids, with one on the way (referencing Stephanie's pregnancy without acknowledging it's her), and deciding that it will be him and not Shawn Michaels who gets to retire Ric Flair. In a perfect world, Flair would have Vince as his last opponent on PPV, but tonight, nearly 6 years after their last TV match, Flair will face the insane chairman with his career on the line. I don't think they want to waste one Wrestlemania match to satisfy the nutty executive.

Match 1: CM Punk vs. Carlito The cross-brand crossovers continue, as Punk appears on Raw for the 2nd straight week. I guess they're figuring they have to familiarize Carlito & Punk with each other since they'll be in Money in the Bank IV in 13 days at Wrestlemania. Too bad they weren't given enough time. Carlito debuted a hesitation dropkick in the corner, but didn't get a near fall. Punk hit the knee lift to the head/bulldog combo for 2. Carlito tried a backstabber, but Punk grabbed the ropes. Carlito countered the Go To Sleep and hit an applekakke (swinging neckbreaker) for 2. Carlito tried to hit a sunset flip from the outside in, but Punk caught him and hit the GTS. Goodnight, sweet prince! Winner: CM Punk.

"Earlier", rapper Snoop Dogg was cutting a promo for Wrestlemania's Bunnymania match, but it turns out he was reading cue cards written for him by Santino Marella. The jealous Marella wore a director's beret, but ended up getting blown off by Snoop.

Match 2: Umaga vs. Brian Kendrick & Paul London The former tag champs don't merit an entrance. GM William Regal comes out to cut a promo for the Umaga-Batista match at Wrestlemania. Stereo squashola, and the first signs that another tag team is about to bite the dust. Umaga hit a double Samoan drop. Shortly after, he had London & Kendrick on opposite corners. He hit the butt splash on London, and prepared to do the same to Kendrick, but Brian inexplicably slid out of the ring, then started up the ramp. That merited some boos. Umaga then hit a elevated Samoan Spike on London. Winner: Umaga.

Backstage, Regal is enjoying the carnage when he is joined by Triple H. He tells Hunter about Kendrick leaving London behind, and suggests that John Cena & Randy Orton might have the same idea in their ultra-handicap match main event. Hunter's got that covered. If Cena abandons Orton, he's out of Wrestlemania. If Orton bails, he's stripped of the title, and HHH & Cena will have their rematch from 2 years ago. Triple H buries Eric Bischoff--sort of---by mentioning how he had a title awarded to him in the past, but there was no satisfaction. What a difference 5 1/2 years makes. He's more intent on taking the title at Wrestlemania.

Now, we have a HHH video package. Serves a dual purpose, as he has a DVD compilation out next week.

Last Friday, Vince McMahon was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Someone check and see if Hulk Hogan has one yet. Vince's speech was in and out of character, as reported in the press.

Shawn Michaels is watching the footage when an irate Ric Flair enters. Long story short, he doesn't want HBK getting involved in the streetfight (like, did you really think Vince would have a regular match vs. Flair?) vs. McMahon coming up. Shawn says nothing and lets Flair rant on. Ric knows what HBK wants to do, protect their match at Wrestlemania, but to Flair, apparently that means something about sympathy for the Nature Boy, and he doesn't want it.

Match 3: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Colin Delaney Squashola #2. JBL cut a promo on Finlay, claiming the Fighting Irishman wasn't there because Hornswoggle "was having complications". He claimed Delaney was the "2nd toughest Irishman", which might actually be an insult to McMahon and his ego. He invited the rookie to take a free shot, and Colin took it, a shot to the jaw, which was also the extent of his offense. Two short-arm clotheslines set up the Clothesline from Hell. Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield.

Post-match, more gaga from JBL.

Match 4: Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon (streetfight) As streetfights go, this was a pip. Flair took it to the insane chairman early, pounding him into a fare-thee-well on the announce table. McMahon came back and pulled a TV monitor off said table to hit Flair in the face, opening up a laceration Flair suffered on Smackdown. McMahon used a garbage can, a kendo stick (Singapore cane) and a chair, but couldn't put Flair down for the fatal three. The last near fall was interrupted by the unsurprising run-in of Shawn Michaels, who pulled ref Marty Elias out of the ring. Elias promptly ejected HBK. Two low blows later, Flair was back in the saddle. McMahon had put a table in the ring, but it was he who tasted wood, as Flair came off the top with a splash, putting McMahon through the table. Talk about poetic justice. Winner: Ric Flair.

Jerry Lawler has a guest in the house. Subway pitchman Jared Fogle, who's being feted on 10 years of keeping his weight off. He shed a grand total of 245 pounds, and has kept it off a full decade. Jared gives the King a mini-sub and a soda.

Match 5: Candice Michelle & Maria vs. Victoria & Jillian Hall Vic's back to wearing a bodystocking with her tights. As the match starts, Mr. Jealousy himself, Santino Marella comes out to join JR & the King. Decent match inside the ring. Maria was the face in peril until hitting an enziguri on Victoria, enabling a hot tag to Candice. Marella started complaining about cheap shots. Candice with a spin heel kick for 2 before Hall broke up the fall. Jillian went for the 450, but missed, but after a spear to Vic in the corner, Candice nailed the Candi Wrapper (Unprettier). Winners: Candice Michelle & Maria.

Upset over the result, Marella continued to complain. Lawler got up to confront him, and got his soda thrown in his face. Marella punched him out, then left with the sandwich. Marella & Victoria took bites, but Jillian didn't want any. Apparently onions don't agree with her.

Dueling video packages for Big Show & Floyd Mayweather. I should note, too, that a video pack for John Cena has already aired. As with Triple H's video earlier, Cena's comments from last week have been stitched in.

Match 6: Chris Jericho vs. Big Show (Intercontinental title) Consider how much gold these two have garnered in the WWE. Jericho is now a 8-time IC champ, and has also held the European title and, as he'll remind every so often, the 1st undisputed champion. He's also had the tag titles on three different occasions with as many partners. Big Show has been a 5-time champ, 3 of those titles in WWE (including the ECW title), and has had the US & tag titles, the latter most recently with Kane. While Jericho is one of a select few to have had the career grand slam (WWE/World title, IC, Euro, tag titles), Show has had a trifecta of World titles (WWE, WCW, ECW). It's safe to assume that both will be in the Hall of Fame one day. Unfortunately, this match won't make either of their highlight reels. Again, it's kept short, and it ends abruptly. Big Show makes one mistake, attempting a Vader Bomb in the corner, but Jericho is long gone once the colossus hits the canvas. Moments later, Jericho hit the Lionsault, but Show kicked out with authority, sending Jericho to the floor. Frustrated, Jericho grabbed his title belt and used it on Show, prompting the end to the match. Jericho then charged a second time, but was met with a wicked right hook that stopped him dead in his tracks. Show added the chokeslam as an exclamation point. Winner: Big Show via DQ.

Reality TV star Kim Kardashian will be the "official hostess" for Wrestlemania 24. Big Dick Johnson appears briefly, but Kim is not impressed. "He's not invited", she coos, "but you are."

Randy Orton vidpack, same as the others.

Backstage, Orton & John Cena have a little discussion. Orton, because he's the champ, thinks he should be the team captain. Cena says he'd lose his mind before agreeing to that. He challenges Orton to man up, because "Triple H will not stop until we're both beaten within an inch of our lives". I'm feeling that. Right on cue, Hunter shows up, and explains the rules. They have to beat everyone (a shot at the internet, no doubt), in order to win the match, unless neither one of them can continue. I call this the ultimate gauntlet match.

Match 7: John Cena & Randy Orton vs. "the entire Raw roster" One has to wonder just who is going to wrestle twice in order to fulfill this stipulation. Umaga is out. Val Venis, Carlito, Santino Marella has changed outfits. This has to be the world's largest handicap match. Someone call the Guinness Book of World Records! Cena & Orton must battle on until every last man on the other team is eliminated. Snitsky starts vs. Cena. He has the upper hand, but Marella tags himself in while Cena is down after a powerslam. Marella misses a running fistdrop, and Cena schoolboys him. Marella is gone, and Trevor Murdoch takes his place. Murdoch doesn't last long, either, as Cena gets him to tap to the STFU. 2 down. Lance Cade comes in after Orton had cut him off before, but misses with his clothesline from hell. Orton hits the RKO as the ref is getting Trev out, and Cena pins Cade. Umaga lays out the reluctant partners as we go to break.

Back from said break, and we find that Super Crazy has been eliminated, and JBL is in with Orton. A succession of tags follows, but then comes a series of eliminations, including DH Smith, Cody Rhodes, Val Venis, & Paul Burchill in a matter of seconds. Rhodes was eliminated after a double-team RKO. There may be hope for a Cena-Orton tag team yet down the road, since they're such good friends. Cena hit a top rope legdrop (Sicilian Slice) to eliminate Robbie McAllister to start the string of pinfalls. The rest of the field then ganged up on Cena & Orton, prompting ref Mike Chioda to call for the bell, despite the rules of the match. Cena went to the floor and grabbed a chair, and started cleaning house. However, Umaga wiped out Cena with the Samoan Spike. JBL is still out there. He flattens out the chair, and has Umaga hold Orton for him. However, he hits Umaga with the chair as Orton ducks. Umaga no-sells the chair, then Spikes Orton, and chases JBL out of the arena. Triple H comes out last to pick up the scraps and pedigrees both Orton & Cena, just as he did 3 weeks ago. Winners: None. Match ruled a no contest.