We open with a recap from last week. They even stitched in some music from the "Andy Griffith Show" when Vince referenced Barney Fife. Cute. Vince having an "illegitimate child"? Not so much.

For the 2nd week in a row, we have wrestlers and other talent surrounding the ring as Vince makes his way out. This time, ECW & Smackdown are also represented. Teddy Long, for example is at ringside. I also see Elijah Burke, Big Daddy V, Miz, and Torrie Wilson, among others.

Vince addresses the paternity suit, and says that the mother in this case has withheld the identity of the child. He's not intimidated by the media, Congress, or even this mystery woman. Plenty of "What?" chants, as well as one of "Who's Your Baby?".

Enter Stephanie, who didn't take too kindly to the accusations thrown her way last week. She reveals that she met with the plaintiff's lawyers earlier today, and found out that the "illegitimate child" is a current WWE superstar. Vince is crushed. He scans the assembled talent, then starts out of the ring. He first makes eye contact with Ken Kennedy, then Mark Henry. The Olympic powerhouse assures Vince it isn't him. Nothing good can come of this.

Footage is shown of Bobby Lashley's shoulder surgery. He's targeting Ken Kennedy for revenge. Tonight, though, Kennedy has someone else to worry about.....

Match 1: Mr. Kennedy vs. The Sandman Halfway decent opener. Some stalling at first, but then Sandman got the early advantage and hit a modified Russian legsweep. He went up top for the Rolling Rock, but Kennedy cut him off and beeled him to the canvas. After an Ole kick in the corner, Kennedy hit a steamroller (ground level Green Bay Plunge) for the fall. Winner: Mr. Kennedy.

Naturally, Kennedy wasn't content with Lillian Garcia's announcement, so he announced himself as the winner.

Backstage, Vince is with Jonathan Coachman. Vince is still in shock over Stephanie's announcement. Coach decides to conduct an investigation, starting with Vince himself. As bad as it sounds. Vince admits his first sexual experience was at 16 or 17. Enter Ric Flair, who does nothing but say, "Wooooo!" several times. Ack.

A Randy Orton video airs chronicling his sidelining Shawn Michaels. I wouldn't say that legend's been killed, though.

William Regal, Raw GM & the WWE's #1 game show fan, is hosting "WWE Idol" tonight. Smackdown's Michael Cole & John Bradshaw Layfield are auditioning dressed as Hall & Oates. Talk about being out of rhythm. JBL's wearing a blond wig, trying to be Daryl Hall. Cole has a shaggy black wig, trying to be John Oates. As if things couldn't get any worse. So bad, it's funny. Maria shows up with Ron Simmons, and Regal announces that their date will be next week. Santino Marella is protesting, but Regal tells him there's nothing he can do about it. Marella declares he'll compete on WWE Idol later. He & Regal leave to debate the merits of his plans. Maria trails behind. Cole & JBL try another Hall & Oates hit, "Rich Girl". Should've quit while they're ahead. JBL tries to sell Simmons on the whole retro thing. Cole asks Simmons who his favorite 80's band is. I had the answer before Simmons even said it. Wham!

Cryme Tyme are out, but before their match takes place, they decide to pop the crowd by auctioning off Lillian's seat. The fun ends when the tag team champs come down.....

Match 2: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Cryme Tyme (non-title) Return match from Heat, but again the titles are not on the line. Is Uncreative that stupid to think fans didn't see the last meeting between these two teams? Well.......yeah. Shad Gaspard was wearing a replica jersey of Knicks star Stephon Marbury when he came out. Typical Cryme Tyme match. Key point in the match comes when JTG hits a leg lariat on Murdoch. Cade breaks up the count. As the ref is busy getting rid of Shad, the champs hit the hi-lo. Shad sees this and takes the chair to Murdoch's back. Cade & Murdoch get the win back from the weekend, but not in the way they thought. Winners: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch via DQ.

Video is shown of Orton "killing" Rob Van Dam. Stop the pain.

Match 3: Snitsky vs. Robbie McAllister (w/Rory) Squashola! Robbie got 0 offense, just like his cousin last week. If you blinked, you missed it all. Winner: Snitsky.

Post-match, Snitsky went for a 2nd pumphandle slam on Robbie, but Rory saved only to get destroyed himself.

Backstage, Vince is continuing to go over his sexual adventures with Coach, who suggests it might be easier to have the talent take DNA tests. That, however, would take weeks, so he wants a list of all of Vince's indiscretions, which he'd cross-reference with the roster, and the mystery would be solved on Saturday Night's Main Event.

Cody Rhodes appears and gives Vince a condom. Vince, after Cody leaves, tells Coach he plans to sue Trojan. Boogeyman shows up and croons the chorus of Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle". Coach thinks Boogey has Vince's eyes. Silly.

Now it's time for WWE Idol. Todd Grisham is the host. Regal, Maria, and Mick Foley are the judges. Oh, this is going to be SO fun.

1st contestant out of the gate is Jillian Hall, who has Jessica Simpson's hair and Britney Spears' voice after a 2-week bender. She is straining to hit the high notes like Mariah Carey, though. As bad as you'd think. Jillian butchers "Memory" from "Cats". Regal punctuates this by saying he should change the main event to Roe vs. Wade because it was an abortion. LOL!!!!

Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff are next, introduced by Howard Finkel as if it was 1985 all over again. Maria follows the instructions to the letter and stands at attention at Nik sings the Soviet National Anthem. Regal rips into Volkoff, saying the performance was ghastly. Sheik, as expected, goes off on Regal, and has to be sent away by security.

Lillian is next, and launches into "Theme from New York, New York", only to be interrupted by Santino Marella. Santino rags on Lil, then shoos her away so he can sing. "That's Amore" is his selection, but Dean Martin he's not. Ron Simmons comes out to confront Marella. Santino ends up getting rammed shoulder first onto the wall. Ron gets the magic word in after he's declared the winner.

Legend Killer video #3: Dusty Rhodes. I don't think Orton knows that you can't really taunt a foe until he's truly fallen.

Match 4: Cody Rhodes vs. Charlie Haas (w/Shelton Benjamin) In commentary, JR & the King contemplate the possibility of Haas being the McChild, and put over Haas' All-American credentials at Seton Hall in New Jersey. It got very sloppy at the end. Rhodes hit a running bulldog, but Haas released a wee bit early, and Rhodes landed hard near the ropes. Rhodes hit a crossbody, but Haas rolled through for a near fall. Rhodes, though, had the last word with an inside cradle. Winner: Cody Rhodes.

Post-match, Benjamin went after Cody, who was lucky to escape. Now, the question is who would be Cody's partner for a tag match vs. the World's Greatest Tag Team?

Time now for the coronation of King Booker by Jerry Lawler. Lawler's not a happy camper, considering Booker needed help from Queen Sharmell to win last week. Booker has no royal credibility anyway. Lawler hesitates, then grabs a mic and announces he's not going through with it. Instead, he queues up another Triple H video, similar to one we saw earlier. Booker goes ballistic after Lawler stomps on the crown. They fight, and when Sharmell gets on Lawler's back, the tide turns. Booker breaks up the desk, and uses Lawler's monitor against him. He even threatens JR after JR tells him, "You're not the King of nothin'!". The crowd chanted for Triple H, but he didn't appear. Apparently, he's being saved either for later in the show or for SNME.

Todd Grisham joins JR at the desk and they run down the Summerslam card. JR even gets in a Doors reference in hyping the ECW title match! Now they're showing how Randy Orton "killed" Sgt. Slaughter 2 weeks ago.

Match 5: Randy Orton & Carlito vs. John Cena & Umaga Each man was introduced individually. This allowed for Orton to cut a promo before the commercial break. Orton & Umaga start. Storyline to this match, obviously, is whether or not the WWE & IC champs, opponents last week, can co-exist as a team. Cena was in the match most of the way because of that lack of trust. After all, he feuded with Umaga during the 1st quarter of this year. He ends up being the face in peril, with dueling chants of "Let's go, Cena!" & "Cena Sucks!" blaring from the rafters. Umaga gets a hot tag and quickly cleans house. A standing savate kick puts Orton in his corner, set for a butt splash. Cena makes a blind tag, but ref Mike Chioda allowed for Umaga to hit his move. Carlito tried a backstabber on Umaga, who no-sold, and the former IC & US champ stumbled into the path of the FU. Ballgame. Winners: John Cena & Umaga.

Backstage, Vince finishes telling his sexual tall tales---of the 70's. He wants to continue with the story of him and 2 flight attendants, but Linda makes her first appearance on Raw in nearly 2 years. "As of right now", she tells Vince, "you don't have a home." Yep, it's going to get worse before it gets better. It always does.