After a medley of theme songs, Vince, Shane, & Stephanie McMahon are out to open the proceedings. Steph's looking as fly as ever, but no sign of mother Linda, whom Vince claims has a stomach virus. Hornswoggle comes out, and it looks like we'll have the family portrait without Linda. However, this party's really getting started with help from your host & mine, Triple H. Hunter brings out Melina, who sparkles in a hot blue dress. Vince pulls out a Bill Clinton line, totally retracting an earlier storyline claim to a one-night-stand with Melina. Then, Sunny (Tammy Sytch) makes her return. Hornswoggle goes right for her with a hug. Y'think he's got a crush? Finally, Mae Young comes out and gives Vince a hug. Hunter helps her into the ring, and along with Sunny has to restrain Mae. Then, Big Dick Johnson, Bastion Booger (Mike Shaw, looking pretty fit these days), Gerald Brisco, Howard Finkel, Pat Patterson, and Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz (Steve Lombardi, aka Brooklyn Brawler) are out. Hunter acts like he doesn't know Abe, and cracked that Brawler had the night off. Vince tried to explain himself, but Shane had seen enough before the guys came out, and left. Steph was repulsed as well, and decided to embarass Daddy by kissing Hunter. That got a phat pop. Exit Steph, and exit Vince soon after, disgusted by Hunter's antics. 'Swoggle is near tears, but Triple H cheers him up by having Godfather come out with a 15 piece Ho Train. Everyone's dancing before the break. Oh, this is going to be a fun night!

Match 1: Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito (Intercontinental title---ladder match) I think Carlito's changed his mind about his future with the company, and it certainly shows in this match. Hardy wanted to end this as early as possible, and had Carlito incapacitated on the floor, but not for long. Carlito sprang off the top rope and onto the ladder. After nearly slipping off, he hit a sunset bomb off the ladder right before the break. Hardy missed a legdrop off the top, and barely connected with the Swanton. Went for the Twist of Fate, but Carlito countered with the Backstabber. However, his finisher didn't quite connect, although Hardy sold as if it did. Thinking he had the match won, Carlito climbed the ladder, only to have Hardy climb up to meet him and force him off the ladder and onto the floor. Hardy climbed to the top rung to claim his title. Winner: Jeff Hardy.

Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels, who was part of the 1st Raw back in January 1993. He rips on Ken Kennedy, calling him "Kennedy Kennedy" repeatedly, and dissed the comedy skit from last week. He's set up Kennedy vs. Marty Jannetty for later, and Marty pops up, hyper than an insomniac on a caffeine high. Shawn even mocks Kennedy's gimmick in closing.

A highlight reel of the show's history includes some interesting hookups (Trish kissing Rock, then Chris Jericho, then Christian, Lita w/Matt Hardy and later Edge), and classic moments involving people no longer with the company (i.e. Ken Shamrock, Dudleyz), and culminating with the exploding limo from June 11. I wish they'd bury that in the archives forever.

After the break, Santino Marella & Maria are in the ring, and Santino is issuing an open challenge. That challenge is quickly answered with music we haven't heard in 6 months, and perhaps thought we'd never hear on WWE TV again......

Match 2: Santino Marella (w/Maria) vs. Rob Van Dam Squashola!!!! "Mr. Monday Night" is back, and while we don't know if this is permanent or not, this certainly was quick. Blink, and it was over. One kick, then the 5 Star Frogsplash Arrividerci, Santino! Winner: Rob Van Dam.

Evolution video package. Triple H will be back after the break, with Randy Orton, Ric Flair, and Dave Batista. A total of 32 World titles between them, including Orton & Batista's current reigns.

It's been 3 years since Flair, Helmsley, Orton, & Batista were all together in the ring. However, one gets the feeling that there will be some friction considering the burden Flair is carrying these days. Orton will be the last one out. However, he wants no part of this reunion. Instead, the champion pulls up the footage from 8/16/04, the night after he won the World title from the late Chris Benoit. He'd just retained said title vs. Benoit, only to have himself ousted from Evolution. Hunter now says it was cool and it was because Orton was "a giant pain in the ass". As usual, Hunter gets a pop. Orton feels that if he is to be remembered as part of a team, it won't be Evolution, but rather, Rated RKO. Edge then comes out and this leads to Flair issuing a challenge, which the former tag champs anticipated. They met with GM William Regal (who so far has not appeared) and got the services of Umaga.

Match 3: Rated RKO (Randy Orton & Edge) & Umaga vs. Evolution (Triple H, Ric Flair, & Batista) JR & the King did reference Flair's "retirement tour" angle in commentary, but as it turned out, he wasn't in jeopardy of losing after all. This was pretty even, as you might expect, and while Lawler referred to Orton as the wild card earlier, in this match, that wild card was Umaga. Flair was the face in peril until Orton missed a dropkick. Hot tag to Batista, who cleans house and forces Edge into the action. I don't think Edge is 100% back yet, as he didn't see much action in the bout. Double spinebuster by Batista & Helmsley to Orton & Edge. Umaga with a double clothesline, but the Samoan ruins it for his team by shoving the ref. Immediate DQ, and Umaga pays the price as Rated RKO abandons him. Winners: Evolution via DQ.

Post-match, Umaga is cornered. Flair with a low blow. Spear by Batista. Triple H finishes it with a pedigree.

Flashback #2: Road Rage, starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rock, NWO, and of course, Vince McMahon.

Molly Holly is visiting backstage, and she & Mickie James are being accosted, sort of, by Hornswoggle. William Regal shows up, and after the girls leave, tells 'Swoggle he has a rematch with Great Khali, but this time, Finlay won't be there, as his "plane ticket back from Ireland" has been "cancelled". Will 'Swoggle's luck finally run out?

Match 4: Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali (w/Runjin Singh) With Finlay eliminated, at least for tonight, Hornswoggle still needs a miracle. He avoids Khali at first, but inevitably, the Punjabi Giant catches him. As soon as he does, however, the strains of "Real American" hit, and Hulk Hogan returns to make the save. No bell, so this match goes as a no contest. Hogan picks up the fight, and ultimately chases Khali out of the ring. He then cuts a promo, which includes a plug for his new gig, hosting "American Gladiators", debuting on NBC next month, with a sneak preview later this week.

Hogan & Hornswoggle pose for the fans, who lap it up, of course.

Flashback #3: DX. Enough said.

Flashback #4: "Bedpan McMahon", 10/5/98, featuring the debut of Mick Foley's "Mr. Socko", and of course, an attack by Stone Cold.

Howard Finkel takes over the ring announcing for the next match.

Match 5: 15-man battle royal The field includes Doink and some people we haven't seen in years, like Steve Blackman, Bart Gunn, Repo Man, Mr. Bob Backlund, Pete Gasparino (Pete Gas of the Mean St. Posse), Gangrel, IRS, The Goon (Bill Irwin), Scotty 2 Hotty, Skinner (Steve Keirn), Jim Neidhart, and of course, Sgt. Slaughter. They've even brought in Gillberg (Duane Gill). I see Al Snow and Flash Funk (2 Cold Scorpio) also made the party.

Your final four are Skinner, IRS, Scotty, & Slaughter. Scotty hit the W*O*R*M on IRS, but before he could even consider eliminating the tax man, Skinner dumped the break dancer over the top. Slaughter, in turn eliminated Skinner, only to have IRS dump him next. However, before Fink could announce IRS as the winner, Ted DiBiase came out and paid IRS to throw himself over the top. Winner(sort of): Ted DiBiase.

Nice work if you can get it.

Flashback #5: "Slap Happy", featuring the hardest right hand in the business, belonging to one Stephanie M. McMahon. Plus the rest of the McMahons, Austin, Rock, & John Cena.

Eric Bischoff is on his way to the ring. What has that silver-haired weasel got this time?

Back from break, and Bischoff is already in the ring. According to the former GM, we still need people like him reinventing the business. I don't think so. Chris Jericho comes out to end Bischoff's diatribe. He rags on Bischoff, and cuts a freestyle poem, with every rhyme using the word "off". He drops Bischoff with a punch, and tries to use the Walls, but lets Bischoff go to go after Randy Orton, cutting off the champion's planned ambush. He locks on the Walls, and Orton is tapping. That may seal Jericho's fate come Sunday, except that he didn't show Orton his new finisher, the Code Breaker.

Match 6: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly (World tag team titles) Dusty Rhodes is at ringside with JR & the King. Son Cody could certainly use the moral support. This is a return match from the Survivor Series. Cade & Murdoch won on that night, but would things change with the American Dream at ringside? Sure they could. This was shorter than the last meeting, and deserved more time. In fact, Cade & Murdoch never really got out of the blocks. Late in the match, Cody cleared out Cade, and Holly took Murdoch for a ride with a spinning Alabama Slam. Game over. Winners & new champions: Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly.

Dusty joins the new champs at ringside for a celebration. It's been about 8 years or so since Holly last had the tag titles (with his late "cousin", Crash), but Cody has garnered gold in WWE for the first time.

Flashback #6: Star power. Raw has attracted musicians like Papa Roach, Kid Rock, & Motley Crue, actors like Ben Stiller, William Shatner, & Michael Clarke Duncan, and athletes like Mike Tyson, Charles Barkley, LeBron James, and Mike Tyson. And let's not forget that Trump fella. Vince certainly would.

Flashback #7: Women. Sunny, Chyna, Lita, Trish, et al. 'Nuff said.

Back in the ring, Jillian Hall is in the ring promoting a holiday CD available tomorrow on iTunes (or so she says). She starts butchering a Christmas carol when Trish Stratus comes out to a phat pop. Jill accuses her of having a big ego. Trish slyly points out that Jillian's singing isn't that great (the joke died months ago, but no one bothered to tell Vince). Lita comes out next, and goes nose-to-nose with Trish, while Jillian is trying to force a fight. Instead, the two former champions hit a double hair takedown on Hall, and chase her out. The pain is amp'ed by the headset mic Hall is wearing.

Trish & Lita embrace in the ring, signifying that retirement has ended their feud. Too bad no one bothered to mention Lita would know something about music, since she has a band.

Flashback #8: Comedy skits, featuring Mick Foley, the Rock, Austin, DX, Jericho, and the McMahons.

Flashback #9, as if we needed to see this: The Wedding Swerve--Triple H elopes with a "drugged" Stephanie (11/29/99). We also see how they tried to "renew their vows" (2/11/02). Lita is watching backstage, and has an awkward moment with former storyline husband Kane. Enter Ron Simmons. Take a guess how he sums this up.

JR & the King run down the Armageddon card.

Match 7: Marty Jannetty vs. Mr. Kennedy Kennedy got heat on Jannetty by working on the left leg, and even used a dragon screw legwhip to get a near fall. However, Jannetty came back with an enziguri. Kennedy tried twice to hit the Green Bay Plunge, but failed. The first time, Jannetty hit the Rocker Dropper, but instead of going for the pin, he decided to go up top. Kennedy intercepted, but Jannetty avoided danger again with a sunset flip for 2. Kennedy finally ended it with an STO. Winner: Mr. Kennedy.

Not content with the win, Kennedy continued his assault after the match until Shawn Michaels came down to make the save. He took his eyes off Kennedy, however, to check on Jannetty, and Kennedy got the drop on him. Triple H came back out, this time in DX gear, and Michaels tossed Kennedy. Shawn donned a DX hat & shirt, and he & Hunter did the DX crotch chop.

The greatest superstar in the history of Raw will be announced by Vince McMahon-----next.

We know this. We're going into overtime, because as Vince is being handed an envelope, my clock reads 11:04 (ET). The Greatest Superstar in the history of Raw? Vince bestows that honor on.....himself. How selfish can one man get? Well, that doesn't sit well with the fans in his home state of Connecticut. Mick Foley, in Mankind regalia, comes out. He doesn't say a word, but rather unleashes Mr. Socko on McMahon with a paralyzing mandible claw.

Foley leaves as the gong sounds signifying the arrival of the Undertaker. Vince takes forever to recover from the effects of the claw, only to eat a chokeslam. And, as if that wasn't enough, the glass shatters, and that means Stone Cold Steve Austin is in tha house. Austin, realizing McMahon's reaction time is a little slower given his age, cuts a promo, which draws the predictable "What?" chants. He gives Vince a beer, and you know what's next. Stunner! Good night, sweet prince!

Austin then declares that the WWE Fans are the real Greatest Superstars, for supporting Raw since its humble beginnings in NYC in 1993. The entire locker room empties, including Khali, DX, Hornswoggle, Flair, ECW champ CM Punk, Hacksaw Duggan, Pete Gas, and Sunny. The show ends with Austin punching Vince off the apron, and Austin, HHH, & Hornswoggle douse Vince with beer. Worth noting is the fact that Will Regal is drinking Coke. I guess he can't have beer.